DECREASED GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE
Disgraced mother after son’s deadly crime, forgiven
When HFF came to Rakops, my son had recently murdered a cousin in a ritual killing. He was in jail, and I was left to deal with the village judgement. I was bullied, raped, and my business was not going well because no one wanted to support a family where blood was spilled. But HFF started a small group in my yard. At first no neighbours wanted to come, but as time went by, they were curious and began to join. For the first time in my life, I heard that God loved me. I wasn’t an accident produced by rape. I was loved. I wasn’t defined by the actions of my son. I was loved. I didn’t have to use alcohol to cope with my life. I was loved by God. That changed things for me. I could hold my head up high. I had confidence. I even asked for forgiveness from my neighbours, and they forgave me. By the end of the campaign, the group at my yard was over 30 people meeting. There was reconciliation in our ward. There was so much laughter in my yard again. There was a change in my life.
Finds Love after many abusive relationships
Almost all my previous partners were verbally abusive towards me. I would bottle things up so I developed anger issues which I would take out on my children, friends and colleagues. I was not an approachable person. I lowkey hated my children because of what their father put me through- the pain that he caused me. the anger was slowly eating at me. the campaign really helped a lot especially the communication, conflict resolution and children topics. I learnt to be a better parent and a good communicator. God also blessed with a loving partner who would do anything to make me happy. I now know it was never my children’s fault to be treated that way by their father. I am also a good friend and colleague, and I advise them based on the book. I would send them snapshot of topics, so they also read and benefit just like I did.
Wife who thought her husband was a loser now compromises
Before the campaign, I would be very angry at my husband and always thought I was married to a loser. This was due to my husband having lost his job, so our lifestyle had changed, and we could no longer afford a lot of things. I wanted the lavish lifestyle that we used to have but could not get it. Then one day my friend invited me to attend the campaign and I did. When I got there, I was a bit sceptical and wondered how a white lady and an African man can be of help to my situation. After reading the book and being taught during the first few days about a topic called “unmet expectations’’ I was emotionally touched and decided to try to be positive and different. After a week of putting the book into practice, life at home began to change. I started seeing my husband as I used to before he lost his job. Our happiness started coming back and we both accepted our lifestyle and started living within our limits. There is a huge difference in our marriage.
IMPROVED FINANCES
Husband finally discloses his finances to his wife
Although I have been married more than 40 years, my husband has always treated me like a child in the home. If I need money, he gives me just what I need for that day. I don’t know how much money he makes. He never involves me in decisions that deal with money. I am informed. During the family building campaign, there was a chapter on money and how as a married couple, it should be our money and we should discuss it. This is not common in the village. I did share it with my husband though. After discussion, the next day he brought me all the money he had made that month and told me I could oversee how the money was spent that month. I was so excited and so scared to lose his money! I slept with the money under my pillow! I tried hard to think of how to use it well and make him proud. At the end of the month, he was very happy with how I used it and I had managed to save some. The next month we discussed how to spend when he got his pay cheque. We now always talk of how to spend our money and we are using money much better now that it is a team effort, and I am involved. This is something I never thought I would have a say in. Thanks to the HFF for changing our home!
Depressed Woman Finds Hope
My husband passed away in 2009. The following year, my son passed away. My children were very young. I had no money and felt so alone. But I worked hard, and I raised my kids the best I could. However, I have really struggled with my kids to provide for them. It has been a very hard life for me. In fact, one of my children even robbed me of 10,000 pula which has been so difficult for me. He has been very abusive to me, causing me so much trauma. Even his siblings are scared of him. Now without that money he took, I live with no electricity or even water in the home. I don’t even have a toilet. Before this campaign, it was even difficult to look in the mirror because I just felt such shame at how my life has turned out. Even my clothes, I didn’t want to wear nice clothes because I lived my life constantly in tears and hiding myself at home. But now I am so happy to be around others and always smiling.
Learned how to budget
Before this campaign and me learning this book, I didn’t know how to use money. I didn’t know anything about a budget. I could go to a shop having 1000. I would buy unnecessary things just to spend the money I had. Even at my home, when I looked at the receipt, I would ask myself how I spent this entire money. But this book has taught me how to budget. It has taught me how to plan and how to use money well. I am so excited. The way I see things now – had I seen this book a long back, I could have easily built a two roomed house. The way I how this book has taught me how to use money, I have a desire now to take my neighbours and the father of my children and teach them how to use money. I want to teach them the way this book has taught me. I am going to help others and I am cancelling this business of spending on useless things I don’t need. This spirit of competition where we buy things we don’t need to be seen by others; I am cancelling it. It is only bringing debt! I want to thank Mma Ashley for bringing us such knowledge along with the other teachings. This book has changed me, and I hope she will bring us another book to teach us even more things about how to live our lives better. May God bless you Ashley so you can teach others and they can teach their children and their grandchildren. We can change with these teachings and live better lives.
DECREASED ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE
Husband realises that alcohol does not solve problems
I used to be a drunkard and cared less about my family. I would wake up every day and head straight to the depot and came back home late in the evening. My wife attended the campaign and came home with the Thaba’s book. She would share with me, what she had learnt and as usual, I cared less. One day I had no money to go to the depot, so I decided to go with her to the campaign and I enjoyed myself. I then started to attend the remaining days with her and read the book by myself. This made my wife very happy; I learnt that alcohol was not a way to solve problems and that it was a time and money waster. I started spending time with my family and saved the little we had.
Former marijuana smoker changed for the better
My friends and I were smoking marijuana one day and this guy asked us if we wanted to join a group to learn how to have better romantic relationships. We aren’t married but decided we could use some help since as young men, no one really is teaching us how to treat ladies and please them. We started joining this group every day. It changed us. We even were looking forward to the group and discussions and didn’t keep smoking. In fact, one weekend during the campaign, the man asked us to go to church with him and we went. We hadn’t been to church in years. We now are excited to teach other youth what we learned, and we aren’t even smoking anymore. This is great.
Took it upon myself to change
The campaign has changed my life for the better. Before I was a heavy drinker who spent all my money on alcohol and was not taking care of my children. I was rough with people and had anger issues, so people feared me. After the teachings I took it upon myself to change. I have quit drinking at all, and I am now the mother my children deserve. I make sure they have food and clothing. I no longer have anger issues, and I have become the people’s advisor. I stay in Bosele ward, and the people here have also changed. I carry the book wherever I go so whenever I come across people having issues I am able to advise them based on the book. that anger that I had towards my children is also gone; I now talk to them calmly and apologize to them when am wrong.
INCREASED AND HEALTHY COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Policeman gives his partner what she always wanted
I initially looked at the book title “Making Marriages fun”, and I had my doubt that it was possible. The first 2 topics made me self-introspect. I sat down and evaluated myself. I realized that I was doing so many wrong things, for example, not giving my partner of three years attention; always rude, rough, and doing things my own way. As an African man, I thought it was okay, was never taught to think about a woman’s perspective. I called her, sat her down and we talked. I told her if there is something I’m doing wrong, that she should open-up and share with so that we discuss our way out of the problem. We wrote down areas of improvement, before we met. When we finally met, we did the looking each other in the eyes, as encouraged by the Thabas. The seven long minutes felt awkward. We were never open to each other. We moved on to the sharing areas of improvement. I never gave her the time to listen to my faults, but this time I listened. For example, she said that I don’t say nice things to her or even tell her that I loved her. After the talk I couldn’t stop telling her how much I loved her. I needed to improve in a lot of things, but the first was to tell her that I loved her, every day, anytime. I always thought that the men provided, and women were the house keepers, so she was shocked when I started doing the dishes. We as men should have chores at home. I am even thinking of cooking. I’ll be more complementing; sharing, serving her. This is making a difference. This training has improved my life.
Police officer finds the book useful in marriage and police matters
I am a married police officer. I was really struggling in my marriage; there was too much conflict between me and my husband, there was no peace between us and in every way even my work. You will agree with me that as police officers we need to be our right senses and our best mentally so that we can serve the community. I was ready to leave the marriage but since I attended the lessons and reading the book, I learnt the importance of communication and conflict resolution and I shared them with my husband. So, these lessons helped us as police officers because we read and learned how to help our clients with the problems that they bring to our office.
Husband finally has time for his wife
I have 19 years in marriage. Ever since I got married, it has been sour, not good, and not enjoyable at all. My husband did not have time for me and never consulted me with anything. One day during the teachings, Mma Thaba gave us a challenge to go and look at our spouse in the eyes for 30 minutes which I did when I got home and surprisingly, he laughed and confessed his love to me anew and I was comforted because I have been sad for how bad he has been treating me for a long time. He never consulted me or agreed with my suggestions; he could even go out without telling me and even spend a night away, but for 19 years I stood strong hoping things will change. Since the classes started, I managed to share with him what I learnt, and he gave me a chance to express how I feel. I told him that the reason why I had decided to separate was because of how he has been treating me. I explained to him how I love him, but he was sad. He was sad and not happy that I testified. We both had a change of heart and forgave each other. We learnt to love each other again and every day when I got home, I looked at him and told him a love him. Our lives have changed.
IMPROVING INTERACTIONS WITH CHILDREN AND EXTENDED FAMILY
BDF officer controlled by siblings puts his house in order
I am a married man who is controlled by my sisters at the expense of my wife’s happiness. I realize that this is a bad habit and purpose in his heart to change. My sisters are controlling me. They would call me and tell me that we should go somewhere known to them. I often listen and go along with their demands without consulting my wife. After going through the Making Marriages Fun training, I learnt that it is important to consult with my wife. I see the need to respect my wife and to protect her integrity. I have managed to call a meeting with my wife during which I pointed out my wrongs and apologized to my wife. I first called my wife alone. Then I called my wife and my sisters together and expressed that what been happening is wrong and disrespectful. I spoke to the face of my siblings that the lawlessness is over. I have started respecting the wife and engaging in many fun activities with her.
Unaccepting mother in-law finally gives husband and wife space
Before the campaign I had issues with my in-laws, they believed that their child married the wrong person, and I was using him for financial gains. My mother in-law never accepted me. She was the one running my household with my husband. My husband was making decisions with her and there was no peace at all between us. After the teachings, we sat down with my husband and discussed our issues, I expressed to him how unhappy and hurt I was with all the things going on between us and his mother. After sorting it out together, we then went to sit his mother down and discussed our issues, she understood and gave us some space. We are now at peace and living as a happy family.
Absent father takes time off to spend time with his kids
I was married but always out on trips and other commitments which took me away from the home. My wife was upset that I was never around for her and the children, but I felt I was justified since many times I was away due to work commitments. Eventually, my absence led to our divorce. She got custody of our children and I just accepted that and rarely see my kids. During this campaign, I really was challenged that though their mother and I are no longer together, I need to make some drastic changes to be a more present father. I have already asked for leave during my children’s next school holidays and called their mother to see if they can spend the holiday with me. At first she doubted I was serious, but I referred her to the Healthy Families Facebook page to watch the live streaming of the teachings I am learning. After a few sessions, she understood why I wanted to change the way I was living. I am so excited and a little nervous to host my children on their next break. I believe this is going to be the start of me being a more present father in their lives.
IMPROVING ROMATIC RELATIONSHIPS
Minds changed, lives changed
I taught a group at the bus rank. The people I meet at the bus rank were people who had a different set of ideas and opinions, and that was a challenge to me, even with a mix of men and women. So, as I laid the topic down to them, they told me their truth: One woman said that if a financially stable man does not satisfy me in the bedroom, I will cheat on him. But as I was holding the book, which was said to be our only weapon, I presented to her an argument that if she cheats on him, doesn’t she realise that she will lose her respectability as a woman? The men there realized that was true; she would lose her integrity and no man would want her, and so she said that she regretted her words. The group was the kind that talked about everything happening in the world and gave their thoughts on them. It really helped them, and I felt so wonderful that I was given this book as a tool to reach out to people who might normally be forgotten and help them.
A dying out spark is rekindled
These classes have really helped me, and I believe it will be an ongoing process. You will agree with me as you get older, you lose the spark and fire in the marriage; you tend to take each other for granted. I used to come home and just greet my wife in passing without even holding her hand or looking at her. I would just say ‘hi’ and go straight to the bedroom, but one day during the campaign after I got home, I found my wife in the kitchen. Instead of me doing the usual and just passing, I went into the kitchen and kissed her, held her hand and looked her in the eyes and greeted her. This became a starting point of us rekindling our love and affection. The book has really helped me and will continue helping us to change things that we used to overlook.
Spontaneous dance night brings new excitement in the family
I am an older lady who has been married for many years. Marriage is something I got into at a younger age. It was not something I considered fun. But, as I attended the classes and learned through the training and watched Percy and Ashley, I realized marriage could be fun. When they gave a practical challenge to go home and turn on music and dance with your husband, I decided to try it. My husband was shocked. But surprisingly he agreed. We had so much fun for the first time for as long as I can remember. The grandkids all cheered and clapped and soon it became a family dance time. There was so much laughter and joy in the house. The next night when I got home, the grandkids turned on music and insisted we have dance time. My husband put his arms around me, and we danced again. There is this renewed excitement in our marriage and in our home. We have learned that although we might be old, we can still enjoy life and make our home a place our grandchildren can experience joy.
Above were samples of testimonies taken from a document which comprises of pages of testimonies of lives touched and changed by the grace of God after attending our training:
